i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize