My balls are so social today.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
