garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
