Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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