I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
