my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Randomize
