You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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