i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
