worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I AM VODKA MAN
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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