Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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