so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
