If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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