i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Randomize
