I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
