my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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