No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
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