Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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