I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
