3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
COCAINE IS GR8
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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