that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
