Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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