i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize