The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
