I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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