Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Two words: nipple clamps
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