After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
