I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
