This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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