If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
