when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
