What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
