Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize