You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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