I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Randomize
