just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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