Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
