is your mom at the bar?
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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