She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize