With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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