one two three fourrrrnication!
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
