you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
