I accidentally had phone sex last night
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Who died my cat blue again?
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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