I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
