This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Randomize
