Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
