Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
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