I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Randomize
