Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Randomize
