I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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