Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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