No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
