stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
