Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
