I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
