your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
