I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
