Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
