I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
