I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
