Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
