hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Randomize
