Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Randomize
