he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
