Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
NoShamevember. You game?
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
