If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
mondays should just be called national damage control day
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Randomize
