I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize