I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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