Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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