Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
