I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
