I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
