he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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