Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She swung at the pinata with crutches
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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