we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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