And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
