I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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