The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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