My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
