Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
