Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
