I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
