so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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