its not stalking. its research.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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