So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Randomize