elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
