Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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