their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
