But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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