Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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