Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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